Three Sons and a Lady

May 28, 2011

The High Cost of Public Education-$PRICELESS

With the failure of Measure E and proposed budget cuts looming in the Pleasanton Unified School District's future, Community OutReach for Education (CORE) representatives have been pushing fund-raising efforts to help ensure support staff remain intact at local schools.
They've asked a donation of $150 per child enrolled in the district. Having three children who will be enrolled during the 2011-12 school year, this places an unexpected deficit in our family budget. In order to make up for the difference, I may have to bid my favorite Barista at Starbucks a sad farewell and quit my coffee addiction.
So in preparation for school enrollment for next year my current bill looks as follows:

CORE donation - $150
Teacher's Classroom Donation - $40
Room Parent Donation -$20
Science Lab Donation - $20
Classroom Supply Kit - $50

There are also the unnecessary items that must be purchased at the beginning of the school year by parents so their children don't feel like losers for being the only one without a school t-shirt or yearbook.

Yearbook - $25
Birthday Board - $10
School Spirit Wear - $20

This pricetag only reflects donations asked for at the beginning of the school year. As the year goes on, donation requests come up for field trips and classroom party supplies. In addition, teachers run out of classroom supplies and timidly request donations from parents knowing their wallets have been tapped out.
I recall one year being appalled that neither of my elementary school boys could sharpen their pencils in school because their classes lacked functioning pencil sharpeners. Thirty dollars from the Smith family household fund was a small price to pay to provide electric pencil sharpeners for the classrooms so my boys didn't have to whittle their pencils with dull safety scissors. However, it became another addition to the rising cost of sending our children to public school.

Electric pencil sharpeners - $30
Approximate yearly field trip donation - $20-$100
Holiday party supplies - $10

There are also fund-raising events in which proceeds go directly to PFC and PTA funds. This is strictly voluntary but at student assemblies, the children are enticed to sell furiously in order to earn cheap plastic toys that rarely last a week. Of course there's always the 1-in-700 chance to win the big prize, an iPod, luring elementary school students to sell as much as they can. I can only smile sweetly as my son says, "Hey mom, I need to sell 75 more items (all of which cost $15 or more) to get a glow-in-the-dark alarm clock."

Overpriced gift wrap - $30
Cookie dough which gets donated to hubby's work - $20

There was also the school auction this year which cost attendees $70 per person. In addition, guests were given the opportunity to bid on beautifully wrapped themed baskets. My husband and I did not attend the event this year because we were already feeling financially strapped after paying $350 for our 5th grade son's Outdoor Ed trip and our 4th grade son's $120 Sacramento trip with dad as a chaperon.

Outdoor Ed - $350
Sacramento Trip - $120

Of course, we can't address the requests for money without including non-profit organizations that take advantage of tender-hearted children by recruiting them to raise funds for Jump Rope For Heart, Pennies for Patients, Unicef, and the newest addition to our school, I Helped Japan.
While I support raising empathetic children, I often find myself rolling my eyes and thinking to myself that if my family continues to be inundated with donation requests we may become a charity case ourselves. I envision having to create a fund called Pennies for the PG&E bill or Jump Rope for Homeowners Insurance.

Approximate donation to miscellaneous charities - $30

Consider that I have three children enrolling into school this year now tripling my donation efforts. In addition, my oldest will be moving onto middle school. My guess is that the expenses only become greater the higher the grade level.
With all things considered, public education comes with a heavy price tag and the opportunity to pitch in is endless. However, the price we've paid has returned to us ten-fold.
My children have benefited from nearly every resource our school has to offer. Speech therapists, reading specialists, Barton tutors, resource teachers, occupational therapists, school psychologists, and school counselors have all contributed in one way or another to success of my childrens' school careers. Without these incredible people, my boys would've been left behind either academically or socially. Fortunately for them, they're being raised in an incredible school district that is fighting tooth and nail to keep what makes them so spectacular intact.
My handbag is definitely feeling lighter these days with all my spare change going towards local fund raising efforts. But the end result is worth the price tag.

Happy, healthy, and smart children - $PRICELESS

May 19, 2011

The Best and Worst of Mother's Day

I've always considered myself a lucky woman. I have three amazing sons and a husband who is more thoughtful than most.

My children often will cut a rose from our garden to surprise me. My husband has bought me flowers once every other week since we married fourteen years ago. He makes or buys coffee for me daily, cooks dinner for me at least three times a week, and is always the pancake king on Sunday mornings.

On Mother's Day, my posse of men have to step it up a notch to out do their generousity throughout the year. This year among my pile of homemade gifts from the children, my husband brought me three dozen tulips, coffee, and a greeting card. In addition, he washed my car, let me nap, made dinner for the family, and best of all, cleaned up the entire kitchen afterwards. Yes, I'm spoiled and I love every moment of it.

Just when I thought my Mother's Day couldn't be topped, Robin Cazinha shared her Mother's Day experience with me.

"This year Kelly asked me what was the one thing I have always wanted. I told her I've always wanted someone to write a song about me. On Mother's Day she took my hands and asks me to sit. She then proceeded to sing a song she wrote for me. She gave me the song written out and decorated with hearts, kisses, and 'I love momma' all over it. That was the best gift I have ever received," she said.

Erika Schmitz was also loved on with words of affection through poetry written by her son David.

There once was a mother
She was the best ever
I love her and never stop
Without her I'd be doing belly flops
I love her for cooking the best ever
I love her for being a puzzler
I love her for cleaning the house
And most of all, I love her for being her
I love you Mom

Dawna Leak, mother of four, also enjoyed her day of recognition.

"The kids and Paul woke me up with breakfast and gifts. Kasmine gave me her old pink teddy bear and the other kids gave me cards and candles. I was also surprised to a brand new bike just for me. In a family of six, it's nice to have something of my own," she shared.

Not every mother in town enjoyed their special day.

I friend who asked to be anonymous had just recently purchased a new home but the timing of her move wasn't convenient.

"I was moving on Mother's Day. No gifts, no flowers, and no coffee in bed," she said.

The most common response I got when I asked my community of friends what their worst Mother's Day gift was "nothing at all." One friend who asked to be anonymous shared her typical Mother's Day.

"My husband told me early on that I wasn't his mother and therefore he shouldn't have to get me a gift. Not only did he never get a Father's Day gift but I eventually made up for all the giftless Mother's Day by divorcing him."

Sometimes Mother's Day gifts are not about the gifts themselves but the thought behind them. Jennifer Gagnier, mother of four, learned this lesson the hard way.

"Years ago I got a stupid, ugly candle and a teddy bear figurine that wouldn't fit anyone's decor. It made me angry that an candle and knick knack was all I was worth as a mother. When the candle fell and broke I was relieved," she admitted.

"Six years later, my sons Michael and Chad were talking with me about worst gifts ever. I brought up the silly flower candle that was nothing more than a dust collector to me. That's when Chad let me know that his dad had let him personally pick that gift. I had no idea the thought and love from a small child was what went into buying the gift. I assumed these were last minute gift ideas of my husband Paul. I apologized to Chad and have since then displayed the bear figurine and smashed wax bouquet of flowers."

Although I love being treated like a princess for the day, I am reminded daily of three priceless gifts I have that no other mother can have-my sweet boys.

March 16, 2011

Lessons of Tball

Riley had his first Tball game last week. After having two boys go through Tball previously I knew I was in for a treat. The years that succeed Tball are exciting and fun but nothing quite compares to the first Tball game of the season.

Riley was the first up to bat. He hit the ball on the first swing and ran as quick as he could to first base. I sat in my chair just happy that he went the right direction. I cheered him and watched him do his infamous victory dance around the poor 5-year-old boy who clearly looked confused as to what he should be doing.

The second batter was up to bat. He bunted the ball and ran to take Riley's place at first. Unfortunately, Riley wasn't paying attention. He was still busy doing his victory dance when his team mate met him at first base. His coach hollored at Riley to run. So that's exactly what Riley did.

Riley turned around, ran past first base, into the outfield, out through the back fence, and kept running until his coach caught up with him and directed him back to second base. Riley eventually made it to home plate but not before giving all the assistant coaches a run for the their money.

Finally, it was time for Riley to try his hand as a fielder. He was positioned at the pitcher's mound along side another one of his team mates. At about three hits in, Riley started waving to me and yelled "mom, hey mom!"

"What is it Riley?" I asked loudly over all the baseball commotion.

"The score is 101 to nothing and we're winning! The other team are big losers," Riley said proud of all the runs he witnessed his team getting in.

Embarrassed and completely aware of the other teams' scowling mothers looking at me, I responded as enthusiastically but politically correct as I could be.

"Well, you just wait Riley. They look like a pretty good team and I'll bet they'll catch up with you."

Now anyone who has had their child in Tball knows that every child gets to hit, run, and play in the field at every inning. Scores are not kept and outs are not made. The idea is to get the children to understand the basics of hitting, catching, and throwing.

Because this is a fairly new sport for most of these cute 4 and 5-year-olds, it is always a mad dash to get to the ball first. Frequently tug-of-wars occur over the ball, meanwhile no one cares if the other team's players make it to the plate or not. During this particular game Riley was involved in more than half of the battles over the ball. What makes this funny is that during the second inning, Riley was in outfield. He would immediately leave his position and tackle the pitcher for the ball. If the coach had a dollar for every time he had to tell Riley to stay in his position he could retire from little league baseball coaching and pay his way into becoming a major league coach.

Finally, as the game was coming to an end it was clear that the coach was beginning to become somewhat frustrated with Riley. During most of the field plays the kids would dog pile on top of the balls. And who would run and cannon ball on top of them,...yep my sweet Riley. Even if there was one child who had the ball, Riley would tackle them to the ground.

I finally called a time-out (although technically it's not legal for parents to do that) to pull Riley aside and have a chat with him about his tackling.

"Riley, you can not tackle your team mates or I will have to pull you from the game," I sternly told him.

"But mom, that's what they do in football," he said to me in all seriousness.

Trying not to laugh I asked him if he was wearing a football uniform. He looked down and said no. I asked him if it was a soccer or basketball uniform. He said no and that it was a baseball uniform.

"Yes, you're right Riley. It is a baseball uniform. Now do baseball players tackle to get the ball or do football players tackle to get the ball?" I asked him.

"Football players!" he exclaimed.

"Well then, you should probably stop tackling your team mates, don't you think?" I asked him.

He thought for about this for a second, handed me his hat and glove, and said to me:

"Let's go find the football team."

The moral of this story: You might take the boy out of tackling but you'll never take the tackle out of the boy.

February 10, 2011

Parenting 101: Creative Discipline

I have been told that I am a strict parent, demanding my children to respect adults, inflicting laborious consequences for poor choices, and often taking away privileges for lengthy periods of time.

You can imagine my surprise last Tuesday when my 11-year-old son and 9-year-old son walked through the door after school ready to pummel one another. As I was attempting to douse the inferno of anger growing between them, my oldest son told his brother that he needed to shut his... well... it wasn't his mouth.

Behind him adorning the wall were multiple pictures of the boys in their younger days with sweet smiles, their arms over each other, and an angelic countenance between them. I looked at my preteen son wondering how my sweet son became someone who could speak such vile words to his sibling.

I enlisted the help of my friend, Julee Samuli, a mother of two boys, to help me understand why my current discipline methods were not working. I asked her how she kept the peace in her household. Her answer was simply “creative discipline”.

The example she gave was that her sons were making faces at one another one day and complaining about it to her. Fed up, she put one son on either side of her sliding glass door, each with cleaning supplies.

“If you guys want to make faces at each other that is perfectly fine with me, but you’re going to be constructive while you’re doing it,” she said.

Five minutes later she not only had a clean window, but both boys were laughing at each other through the glass while continuing to contort their faces humorously at each other.

I thought this was a brilliant resolution to my boys’ behavioral problems and decided to include the children in a “rules and consequences” discussion over dinner. The only limitation they had was the punishment had to fit the crime committed. The following list is what my children came up with.

RULES & CONSEEQUENCES:
1.       General Fighting - The two offenders will sit on the couch for 5 minutes holding hands.
2.       Spitting - The offender will be required to spit 20 times in the sink without a drink to help them.
3.       Slamming Doors - The offender’s door will be removed for one week.
4.       Watching Programs or Movies Not Approved By Parents - The offender will sit and watch 3 hours of Barney, Telletubbies or Thomas the Train videos on Saturday morning.
5.       Speaking Unkindly to Parents or Siblings - the offender will write a 100-word essay titled “Why I Love (insert name of the victim of the unkind words)”.
6.       Cursing-potty mouth equals potty chores. The offender will clean both toilets with a toothbrush.
7.       Leaving Dirty Clothes, Socks, Etc., Out - the offender will clean one load of laundry for every article mom picks up.
8.       Refusing to Eat What Is Cooked - the following evening the family will eat In & Out Burger while the offender eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
9.       Stomping off When Told to Do a Chore - Offender will climb dad’s work ladder for one minute for every stomp heard.
10.   Passing Gas at the Kitchen Table - The offender gets to eat dinner in the bathroom with the door closed.
11.   Arguing With Mom and Dad About Consequences - The offender’s consequence is doubled.

While there are a few of the above rules that may need to be reworked (I’m not sure how sanitary it is to eat in the bathroom), I was pleasantly surprised how creative the boys were with developing their own list of consequences. Not only that, our family dinner ended in a roar of laughter at all the ideas that were offered.

As for my son’s cursing incident, I am happy to say that both of the toilets in my house are sparkling. Not only that, this mommy was able to sit down with a cup of coffee while blissfully enjoying a week off of toilet cleaning duty in a household dominated by boys.

The Santa Truth

Prior to relocating to Pleasanton, I worked for four years as a Disneyland Character in Anaheim. Disney instilled in me the belief that "dreams really do come true." During my daily strolls down Main Street as Mickey or Minnie Mouse, I learned one could never be too old to love their favorite character.

It was only recently I was forced to revisit these beliefs when my 9-year-old son, Keaton, asked Santa for a gift that exceeded our family budget. I considered that maybe it was time to break the truth to him. But first I needed to get a feel from other parents on what age was the best age to tell the Santa truth.

Many of my friends suggested it was time to fess up and let my son know there was no Santa. Several pointed out my indulgence of the Santa story with my children was a "white lie" and it was time to come clean. Although a twinge of guilt crept up in me, I was unsettled about annihilating his belief in Santa.
Another friend suggested I teach Keaton large words like "recession" and continued on conjuring up an amusing story of Santa making personnel layoffs within the elf factory.

Kim Stemplinger, mother of a 13-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son, told me her children still believe in Santa Claus and she has no intention of forcing them to believe otherwise in the near future.

"Blake asked me straight out about a month ago. I had to come clean. The tooth fairy is out, too," said Miriam Bettoncourt of her 10-year-old son.

Cathy Melin had another perspective bringing in the meaning of Christmas.

"They can know the truth but still hold on to the belief that the spirit of Santa brings; the joy, the fun, the memories," she said.

Still not convinced that Keaton was ready, or maybe it was me that was not ready to see him through this rite of passage, I conferred with my dear friend Guy de la Cruz.

Guy was also a Disneyland cast member and still is today. During our years together at Disneyland, Guy was cast as Peter Pan. He brought the essence of every young boy to life with his talk of pixies and refusal to grow up. Surely he would have some insight on this delicate quandary I found myself in.

"Would you tell anyone that Mickey isn't real?" he asked me. "It's much more fun to keep the illusion. My mother always told me if I stopped believing in Santa he may stop believing in me."

My children are aware of my multiple identities of my past because of old photos I have kept during my costumed days at Disneyland. However, I would never squelch another child's belief in the princes and princesses of Disney whom they regard as heroes. It is qualities that these icons possess that can develop valuable characteristics in our own children.

Belle taught us to look beyond appearances and find the good within others in the movie "Beauty and the Beast." Mulan taught us women can possess courage and fight for their country. And Peter Pan told us it was alright to believe in faith, trust, and pixie dust.

Santa teaches us there is magic in giving to one another and that it's OK to believe in the impossible such as reindeer flying through a snowy night sky.

I was able to convince Keaton the spirit of Christmas was about sharing with others, especially those who have less than us. Together, we went online to pick a fun (and more reasonably priced) toy for himself. He also chose another toy for a less fortunate child. He wrote Santa a letter letting him know he had changed his mind about his gift choice. Instead of the $250 Star Wars tank he originally requested, he wanted Santa to spend some of his Christmas money on a child who had no toys.

I am certain Santa will oblige and a local shelter will receive a new toy on behalf of Keaton bringing a little Christmas magic into another child's life.

As for Keaton, he will continue to believe in Santa and his entourage of elves this year. I am not sure when he will learn the Santa truth but I intend to keep the magic alive as long as he is willing to believe.